My Christmas Spirit Has Had All the Joy Strangled Out of It

Christmas, to me, is when I have to endure my mother's mood swings. She's 72 years old, Bipolar and the holidays set her off like nothing else. One day, she'll be happy and having a great time shopping. Ten minutes later, she's having a meltdown because something or someone (me) has pissed her off. I've finally lost all patience with her. According to her, I'm a genius, smart-ass and go out of my way to make her feel stupid. And I think she's the meanest, most spiteful bitch I've ever had the displeasure to know.

I took her shopping last night. I bought her a new cell phone because all I've heard forever is how she can't see anything on her old cell phone. The font's too small and she can't read what it says. She can't find where it says menu or speaker, etc. She doesn't know how to use a cell phone other than to punch in the numbers and press the call button. I've tried repeatedly to show her how to use speed dial, how to retrieve voicemail and text messages. It took forever to get through to her that to listen to voicemail messages she simply has to press and hold the "1" key until it dials the number then follow directions to delete them. She's not stupid but she wants everyone to think she is. She also wants everyone to think she's feeble by using what I call the "little girl" voice, repeating everything you tell her and asking constant questions all designed to make people repeat the same things over and over. It's a ploy and I see through it. I happen to know that she's got a better memory than I do. She enjoys yelling at everyone, especially me, that she's not stupid and could learn if someone would "just be patient" and "take the time" to teach her. They tried to show her at the phone store, too. They really didn't have the patience for it. I tried some more but she gets SO defensive; I gave up. 

This new phone has larger font and it's super easy to use but now, she's unhappy because she can't "find anything." Well isn't it incredible that for someone who didn't know how to use the phone had worked out how to retrieve text messages? I told her if she didn't like the new phone to take it back. I didn't want her to be unhappy with it. She went off the deep end about how there was nothing wrong with her old phone and she couldn't figure out this new "piece of shit." She didn't design it, didn't know how it worked and just because I was a genius didn't mean she was and that I didn't have to be such a smart-ass about it. What brought this on? She couldn't figure out how to scroll through the ringtone list or even listen to them so she could make a choice. But mainly it was when the light went off while she was trying to pick my daughter's ringtone. She was so nasty about it that I'd prefer she didn't keep the phone because from now on, it will always be a source of irritation to her and as such, she'll be pissed at me every time she uses it. I don't need the extra bullshit in my life. 

Christmas should be a wonderful time spent with friends and family. My mother makes any time spent with her such a painful experience. The constant bitching about EVERYTHING is enough to make my ears bleed. She bitches about how hard the trip is, how hard the bed is, how tired she is because she can't sleep on the hard bed. She's sleeping on an expensive futon with an egg crate thing folded in half and 2 blankets both folded in half on top of the mattress. It's the princess and the pea syndrome. Considering all the pain meds and muscle relaxers she takes, it's beyond me how she can complain about the bed. She should be comatose. 

I'm sick of walking on egg shells and trying not to upset her. A few weeks ago, she made my blood pressure go through the roof with her incessant phone calls - in a 4 hour period, she averaged a call every 36 minutes - and I was a afraid I was going to have a stroke. I made a decision that day that she was not going to upset me to that point again, ever. So today, I'm sad and pissed off that she'd be so nasty about the phone but at the heart of it, I don't really care. She's only going to hurt herself this time. It's not going to hurt me and I'm not even disappointed anymore that she attempted to ruin my Christmas, again. I quit being surprised by it when I figured out what she was doing. I don't have much money and it's not that important to me either but my mother brings in more than most between her retirement and Social Security. Still, she has to inform everyone that she's "on a fixed income" but does what she can to help me and my kids. None of us ever ask for help because we've all learned long ago that her "help" has so many strings attached. We don't ask for specific gifts or presents at birthdays or holidays either because regardless of what we want, she's always determined to give us what she wants us to have. (For more read http://rantsramblingsandruminations.blogspot.com/2010/06/how-much-gratitude-is-enough.html  My mother has spent my entire life doing her best to get people to see her as a martyr who's sacrificed everything for me and my kids. It's the biggest crock of shit ever.


The truth: My mother has such high, unrealistic expectations for Christmas ensuring that she never gets what she wants; so she's always disappointed and takes her misery out on everyone around her. 


I need some joy in my life so I really need for her to go home - now. I can only hope.


May you have the Christmas I never will...

Networks and Cable/Dish Broadcasters Pulling the Plug on Online TV

Networks feel they're giving away shows for free online and they certainly aren't about letting anyone have anything for free. Someone has to pay for it and they want it to be us. Rich Greenfield said so. OK, fine; I'll pay for what I use. How about that? Because what I'm getting isn't really working for me right now. I have a boatload of channels I could give a flying squirrel about watching, and don't watch the majority of them at all, for that matter. So why should I pay for all those useless channels? Give me the option to select only the channels I want to watch and add online accessibility as part of the package. It’s a better deal for everyone involved and don't tell me it's like insurance; there when I need it. I'm an adult and if I decide I want something added to my programming, I know how to get it.

And FYI to the networks, cable companies, etc, go ahead and take our shows off the airwaves; it won’t hurt us to get up and go outside for a change. However, it will hurt you where it really counts – the bottom line. During the strike a few years ago, I was forced to stop watching certain shows and by the time the strike was over, I no longer cared. Imagine that! The story lines and the characters had lost their hold on me. I found that to be very liberating. I was free!

It also scared me. I started turning my TV off when I wasn't watching a specific program. I didn't turn it on and leave it on anymore just because I might miss a show coming on an hour from now. At first, it took some adjusting because the silence was really loud. But once I got used to it, I've really enjoyed it. I listen to music a lot and I read more these days. The constant babble and whitenoise of the TV is gone and I feel like I breathe easier now. I'm not inundated with people trying to sell me stuff I don't need, telling me how awful the world around me has become or how there's some "must see" TV show airing later tonight. I'm good now - thanks anyway! And the ensuing silence cleared my head enough for me to think more. This wonderful silence made me think about what had happened and my specific response to it. Unfortunately, it also meant that I began paying attention to how the rest of the world behaves in regard to their TV and let me tell you, the future is not bright.  

TV has become the biggest addiction in the world. Bigger than any narcotic; bigger than anything except maybe for the internet and that's fast becoming a closely run race. It’s ironic that people will cluck their tongues and pass judgment on computer users when they can’t tear themselves away from the giant mind-numbing machine in the corner of their living room. Pot! Kettle! Idiots! How many people do you know that turn the TV on in the morning and don't turn it off till they go to bed? This isn't about the little old lady that turns it on for company because it might very well be the only human voice she hears all day, every day. I'm talking about the ones that watch the news all the time and constantly have some talking head putting the spin on things for them and giving them their opinions; the moms that use TV to entertain the kids but instead, teach them that TV is their world; the ones that have to watch their "stories" daily because their own days are devoid of romance and life's little dramas; the ones that hang on every word like that daytime talk show host is a holy prophet and spouting divine secrets if they listen closely. Know someone like that? Are you someone like that?

Don’t think you’re an addict? Consider this: Can you turn the TV off for a week without spazzing? How about just 24 hours of silence? Still no? Do you hurry home so you don’t miss a show? Eh, maybe not since the advent of the DVR, but do you freak out if it doesn’t record a particular show? (There will be a quiz later.) If we were talking about having a drink, hitting the crack pipe or shooting up instead of watching a TV show, how many would be in need of a meeting right about now? Do you justify it all because news programs, sports, and shows about art, history or how to live “green” are included in that cable package? When was the last time you participated in a sport and not just watched one on TV? When was the last time you went to an actual art museum and looked at, contemplated and admired a painting or sculpture? Or better yet created a work of art? As for the news... these days news is what a network run by some billionaire mogul decides you need to know. And it's never good, have you noticed? Horrible accounts of things happening all over the US and the world; and at the end, they leave you with one little tidbit of goodness. Now that's truly sad. Bet you can tell me about the earthquake in Haiti that killed so many and probably the name of the musician that wants to run for President over there. But do you know how many died in the floods of Pakistan? Any idea when that even happened? There wasn't nearly the "news" coverage about the floods as there was for the earthquake yet thousands more died and 14 million were affected. I don't recall a celebrity telethon for the Pakistanis, do you? Maybe it's justifiable because Haiti is a such a small country and a close neighbor? I don't think so. Perhaps it's because news programs now determine our humanity for us. They tell us what we should consider news and we accept it because - wait, why do we accept it? Wouldn't we know what's news otherwise? Probably not because we're too busy watching the electronic box in the corner and not actually out in the world. You really want to know what’s happening in the world around you? Turn off the TV - Get out there and find out! 

Here are 20 questions to help you determine if you have an addiction to your TV. The responses are: 1 - rarely, 2 - occasionally, 3 - frequently, 4 - often, 5 - always or Does Not Apply. 

1. How often do you watch TV longer than you planned?

2. How often do you neglect household chores to watch TV?

3. How often do you prefer TV to being with your partner?

4. How often do you become friends with others simply because you like the same TV shows?

5. How often do others complain about the amount of time you spend watching TV?

6. How often do your grades or homework suffer because you watch too much TV?

7. How often do you watch TV when there is something else you need to do?

8. How often does your job performance or productivity suffer because you stayed up late to watch TV the night before?

9. How often do you become defensive or secretive when someone comments on the amount of time you watch TV?

10. How often do you think about watching TV instead of what is going on around you?

11. How often do you find yourself anticipating going home to watch TV?

12. How often do you fear that life without TV would be boring, empty and joyless?

13. How often do you get angry, yell or get annoyed when someone interrupts you while watching TV?

14. How often do you lose sleep due to watching TV?

15. How often are you preoccupied with TV when you aren't watching or daydream about an upcoming TV show?

16. How often do you say "just a minute" or "it's almost over" when watching TV?

17. How often do you try to cut down on the amount of time spent watching TV and fail?

18. How often do you try to hide or ignore how much time you spend watching TV?

19. How often do you choose to spend time watching TV instead of being with friends?

20. How often do you get upset, angry or frustrated because you miss a TV show?

I don't think you really need me to tell you what the answers mean. But if you do have an addiction to your TV, you can break free of it. Start by turning it off. Seriously.

How Much Gratitude is Enough?

Ever have someone do something for you but you never hear the end of it? Ten years later and you're still being hounded over that favor or "kindness" that person did for you? Yep, I live with that pretty much every day of my life. My mother never allows me to forget a single thing she's ever done for me. I'll be 90 and she'll still be haunting me to the grave because I didn't show the proper amount of gratitude for an article of clothing she bought and me telling her the whole time "Don't buy me clothes; I don't buy things I can't try on first." She ignored me, bought me clothes last Christmas  and none of it fit. *sigh* I did tell her once that if she needed that much gratitude and so many accolades then maybe she should donate a wing to the hospital. They'd sure enough grovel for her. 

Seriously, though, how much gratitude is enough for one person? I've always heard that it's not really considered a good deed if you tell it or brag about it. It does sort of defeat the purpose. I hear the refrain "I was just trying to be kind" so often that it's lost any credibility it might've had. She doesn't do anything to be kind; she does it to incur a debt that she will collect on for all eternity. And if you refuse to repay this endless debt, she will remind you of every little thing she's done on your behalf since you were old enough to walk and talk. Dear God, spare me the guilt trips and manipulations! She sees herself as a martyr, sacrificing all she owns to do a "kindness" for people. Remember the clothes she was asked not buy? She buys what she wants us to have and then gets offended when I or my kids don't like what she's given us. Many, many times, she's refused to include the receipt so the item couldn't be returned (see above Christmas disaster) and in some cases, exchanged. I have clothes hanging in my office closet with the tags still attached because they don't fit or I hate them but I can't return or exchange them either. Oh yeah, she always asks to see whatever it is she's been so determined for me to have. One year, my mother asked my daughter what she wanted for Christmas. My daughter had her heart set on an IPod. It wasn't what my mother wanted her to have and went off on a ridiculous rant. When she paused for breath, I informed her that if she had no intention of buying the kid what she asked for then she should never have asked in the first place. It was wrong and she was wrong for doing it. We went round and round over it but eventually, right won out. My daughter was given a gift card for the purchase of the IPod. She tends to cave when it comes to the kids but that's where I get railroaded. She will completely ignore me and buy crap I don't want, like or need then call me ungrateful for not being appreciative or expressing the correct amount of gratitude for it. There are days when I wish I'd been raised by wolves.

Just last night she called me to do a search on The Bachelorette reality show and see who this girl Ali winds up with at the end. Confused by this request (I'd noticed earlier that the show was scheduled to air that night) I innocently asked,"Why don't you just watch the show?" I was instantly berated because I wouldn't do a simple search for her without "bitching" about it; especially when she'd given me her computer, after all. I swear to God, at that moment, I wanted to rip out the upgraded hard drive, the new motherboard/CPU combo, the Light Scribe Dual Layer DVD burner and the new, upgraded memory and give her back the original she gave to me because SHE never could learn how to use it! [Reader's Digest condensed version: I built it at her insistence; she'd never used a PC, only a LAN workstation and refused to read a book, take a class or have someone go to her house to teach her - all of which I offered to pay for - then got pissed at me because she didn't know how to use it]  Instead, I took a deep breath and did the search. Found some unsubstantiated rumors that this attention hound Ali (she's looking for love on a stupid reality show!) winds up alone. Me being me, I tsked and spread the rumor just a little bit further when I told my mother that Ali missed the Love Boat entirely and went home alone. Yes, I admit it; I got a certain amount of satisfaction from that, even if there was no truth to it. 

Some days, you have to take your victories where you find them - no matter how small or how petty they might be.

Stereotyping or Something More Sinister?

No one should like being stereotyped. Not only is it insulting to you personally, it's downright offensive to an entire group of people. If you're not offended to your core by it, then you haven't been enlightened because it should offend anyone with a modicum of common sense. Sadly, most people are so apathetic these days that they can't muster up enough interest to care what's happening to others around them. But heaven forbid should someone, like the mainstream media, stick a label on them! That would just be wrong. Really? Wow, funny how self-interest will change a person's whole attitude.

Let's take a good look at what stereotyping by Hollywood, mainstream media and others has done to entire groups of innocent people. It's amazing what images come to mind when we hear certain words or think about certain concepts. When I say "trailer trash," an immediate image springs to mind. Do you conjure up images of white folks with little or no self-esteem living in a tin house on wheels? Are they drinking and/or doing drugs, riding Harley motorcycles, driving rusty cars and trucks when they aren't up on blocks, having too many children running wild in the streets with at least one wearing a dirty diaper and in need of a tissue for that snotty nose? Are the obese women wearing stretch pants and oversized t-shirts to shop at the local Wal-mart as the fat, lazy men sit around with their beer guts hanging out of undersized t-shirts watching the grass grow and guzzling cans of Keystone or whatever was on sale at the local Pak a Sak? Since "Trailer Trash" is a close cousin to "white trash," does that call up additional images of dirty, uneducated, white people with bad dental hygiene living in squalor in some rundown shack with a living room sofa sitting out front, in the knee high grass, where it's being used as lawn furniture? Do you imagine a rusty a car or truck sitting on concrete blocks somewhere in the vicinity of the sofa and at least three or four large mixed breed dogs napping under the sagging front porch? Apply the same descriptions from "trailer trash" to "white trash" and you're good to go. And let’s not forget, "Rednecks" are a kissing cousin to the "trashy" folks but usually involve overalls and guns - never a good combination. If you listen closely, will you hear the sound of banjos? It may just be in your head but you hear them; I know you do.

If I said, “Think Southern Baptist” would images of the good folks from the Bible Belt pop into your head? Does a roadtrip through Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi have you imagining all kinds of things about some of our most devout Christians? After all, aren't these the folks in their crisp white shirts and ties and the floral print dresses thumping their bibles and praising God on Sunday; even though, Saturday night the men got dressed up in those snowy white robes with the pointy hoods, as the women waved them off, to go plant a burning cross on the front yard of some unfortunate black person? Can't you just hear them saying in that slow, sinister southern drawl from the shadows outside the firelight – “We don't want your kind in our town so maybe it'd be best if you just move on away from here”? Now don't that just curl your toes? Of course that's what they all sound like, right? Obviously, you can't miss it; so, be sure to listen for it the next time you're on vacation down south and you stop for gas after dark.

Only a very small percentage of our population is anything like what I've portrayed above but Hollywood and the mainstream media persist in displaying those derogatory images to us. I didn't make them up; I took what they’ve repeatedly shown us and put it into words so you could see for yourself what they do on a daily basis to influence how we think about each other. None of this even begins to cover what they do to other ethnic groups around the country; African Americans, Hispanics, Arabs, etc. We’re become so disinterested in those around us and what they’re being subjected to that we literally don’t pay any attention to the swill we’re being fed about our friends and neighbors. All because the color of their skin is darker; they practice a different religion or maybe they just didn’t have the good fortune to be born here. What’s sadder and more sinister is when the police look at someone and conjure those same images with different results in mind; they call it racial profiling. In the last year, over 600,000 people were racially profiled on the streets of New York. Many were interrogated on the spot and subjected to searches of their personal property. One was a 16 year old boy who had forgotten his house key and was looking in his own window to see if anyone else was home to let him inside. Another was a business man that was stopped almost daily on his way home from the bus stop in his neighborhood. He began taking other routes home just to avoid being harassed by police. The majority of these stops are unreported with no written record as proof that these innocent people were ever harassed by police. I wonder, has any of this gotten through to you yet? Saddest and most disturbing of all is that you probably still can’t summon up enough interest to care – until it’s your turn.

VOTE OUT THE INCUMBENTS - ALL OF THEM!

So many people think we need the government to tell us how to live every aspect of our lives. I’d just like for them to butt the hell out. We’ve given the government too much power now and we’ll never get it back without a rebellion & civil war. People don’t understand that they’ve created a monster that they can no longer control. Congress has no incentive & no desire to hurry up and find a solution for anything - not to ease our financial burdens nor to create true diplomatic foreign policies. Legislators have all the time in world to research ideas, study possible effects and make decisions because we've given it to them in the form of unlimited terms in office. Maybe the general public is too stupid or just too apathetic to vote the incumbents out of office and set term limits. {I’m not sure the public could vote for and institute term limits now even if they wanted.} If our representatives & senators feared for their jobs, they’d get off their asses and fix what’s wrong with the country. Instead we let those carpetbaggers sit on Capitol Hill till they’re so old they’re practically rotting from the inside out. And all the while, we’re taxed to death for every bad bailout, every welfare & government hand-out, and every global warming/climate crisis scam they can invent. This doesn’t even begin to cover the raises & perks those shysters give themselves hidden deep in the pages of various bills that go from house to senate. Aw, let’s vote more money for teachers & education and while we’re at it, on page 435 article 62 paragraph 17 sub-paragraph 9, we’re going to vote ourselves a tidy little raise of 4% for all the work we do to run the country for the idiot masses and the poor & down-trodden.


There’s no recovery from where we are. We’ve given the people in power all the rope they need to hang us and damned if they aren’t doing a brilliant job of it. All we can do is ride it out until the turmoil reaches its natural conclusion, which is the eventual civil uprising, the freedom fight (again) & the installment of a new government after this one has been beaten back and crushed into submission. Americans should be paying closer attention to the government of Honduras and how they’re handling Zelaya's misbegotten attempt to stay in power beyond his allotted term limit. We might learn a thing or two from the Hondurans, if we’re smart enough. Of course we may not have to worry about any of that if the H1N1 flu kills off two-thirds of the world’s population in the next year or so.

I believe we’re past the point where we could vote a real change at the ballot box. I’m afraid that we’ve given away all our rights & freedoms so that if we were to try and take them back now, we’d be accused of home-grown terrorism and thrown under the jail without legal representation or a fair trial. We may have the right to bear arms but have you tried to buy bullets lately? We have the right to assemble but when we do, we’ve got to be careful what we say or we’ll be turned in for inciting to riot and heaven forbid if you hand out a leaflet - even if it is a copy a of the US Constitution - it's now considered terrorist propaganda to do so. We have the right to life but not if it costs the government too much to treat us so we have a quality of life worth living. We have the right to liberty but only after we’ve been told what liberties we’re allowed to have. We have the right to the pursuit of happiness but not if it means leaving the country and taking our money with us. Tried leaving the country lately? Even that is getting harder to do. Irony: It's easier to get in than it is to get out. Now that ought to scare the hell out of people.

Wake up people and VOTE OUT THE INCUMBENTS - ALL OF THEM! - before we lose the right to decide anything ever again.